I had dinner with Thane Rockwood tonight. He was driving through Salt Lake City on his way to Los Angeles for his new job. We met up for dinner and talked for a good couple of hours. I love talking to him because I know he doesn't judge me and I can just be myself and tell him everything. He recognizes the fact that I'm depressed. I've known it for a long time, but always try to push it aside because, well, it depresses me. LOL! It was nice. Oh well.
Monday, May 21, 2012
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
100th post.... So where's the cake?
So you know how when they shoot a large number of episodes on a show, especially the 100th, there is a big party and a huge cake... I'm just saying that would be nice right about now, the cake, not necessarily the party. Although I would love the company.
I seem like such a solitary person, but honestly, in a new environment, it is because I do not want to be perceived as sticking myself in. I would so much rather be invited in. So I hang out in the background or to the side a little. If someone comes and talks to me I go for it, but often because of the lack of familiarity almost all attempts at a good conversational flow go wrong. I try to initiate activities, I invite others to go to the Temple with me, or ask if anyone wants to go see a movie. Perhaps these attempts always fail because I always just ask generally versus individually. It is scary for me to do the latter. Especially when considering to ask a guy to go do something with me. Although there is one I wish I had the guts to do something about. Sigh.
So, today is the perfect example: I go to work at 4:30am and am off by 8:30am. I post on Facebook about wanting to go see the Avengers - it's a hot movie right now, I figure someone must not have seen it yet and would like to go with me - but alas. No such luck, so I sit at home, in my room because Joe & Sarah are watching shows on her laptop and I really can't see all that well from the kitchen table where I have to sit because there's no furniture other than the loveseat - and I watch shows on my laptop (not having cable is not that bad.) I venture out to eat a bagel now and again, but no messages on my phone, no one calling to see how I'm doing, no one I know I could call and go hang out with. So I'll sit here and watch more shows on my laptop until it is time to go to bed tonight. Lame? Yeah, I know it is.
I know instead of whining I should just go and do something, ask someone in particular or just go out and do something by myself, but is it so wrong that if I'm going to a movie I want to go with someone? Or if I go to eat somewhere I don't want to go alone? I mean I eat alone at work all the time, so when I'm home or elsewhere, I'd like to have company. I could insert myself more into Joe & Sarah's world, but I already feel like such a lump to them. I'm so glad to be moving out in a little over a week. At least then I will have a piano to play with in my pitiful alone time.
I guess on the up side of all of this, and I have to mention because it made me feel so good, there are still people who think of me occasionally. I got a text from Brett Anderson the other day because she is the new RS pres for her branch and she thought of me. I got a long text from Brittany Kester about how much she misses me and was grateful for my friendship. And every Monday, almost, I get a letter back from Grant Anderson who is on his mission. I appreciate the contact with people. (This made me jump to a tangent Google search for pen pals. I'll just browse around, I know nothing beats personal interaction.)
Anyway, so 100 posts down and hopefully more to come.
Highlights of late: Gabriel was blessed on Sunday March 5th, Dad and the brothers were in town for it. Nothing much else.
I seem like such a solitary person, but honestly, in a new environment, it is because I do not want to be perceived as sticking myself in. I would so much rather be invited in. So I hang out in the background or to the side a little. If someone comes and talks to me I go for it, but often because of the lack of familiarity almost all attempts at a good conversational flow go wrong. I try to initiate activities, I invite others to go to the Temple with me, or ask if anyone wants to go see a movie. Perhaps these attempts always fail because I always just ask generally versus individually. It is scary for me to do the latter. Especially when considering to ask a guy to go do something with me. Although there is one I wish I had the guts to do something about. Sigh.
So, today is the perfect example: I go to work at 4:30am and am off by 8:30am. I post on Facebook about wanting to go see the Avengers - it's a hot movie right now, I figure someone must not have seen it yet and would like to go with me - but alas. No such luck, so I sit at home, in my room because Joe & Sarah are watching shows on her laptop and I really can't see all that well from the kitchen table where I have to sit because there's no furniture other than the loveseat - and I watch shows on my laptop (not having cable is not that bad.) I venture out to eat a bagel now and again, but no messages on my phone, no one calling to see how I'm doing, no one I know I could call and go hang out with. So I'll sit here and watch more shows on my laptop until it is time to go to bed tonight. Lame? Yeah, I know it is.
I know instead of whining I should just go and do something, ask someone in particular or just go out and do something by myself, but is it so wrong that if I'm going to a movie I want to go with someone? Or if I go to eat somewhere I don't want to go alone? I mean I eat alone at work all the time, so when I'm home or elsewhere, I'd like to have company. I could insert myself more into Joe & Sarah's world, but I already feel like such a lump to them. I'm so glad to be moving out in a little over a week. At least then I will have a piano to play with in my pitiful alone time.
I guess on the up side of all of this, and I have to mention because it made me feel so good, there are still people who think of me occasionally. I got a text from Brett Anderson the other day because she is the new RS pres for her branch and she thought of me. I got a long text from Brittany Kester about how much she misses me and was grateful for my friendship. And every Monday, almost, I get a letter back from Grant Anderson who is on his mission. I appreciate the contact with people. (This made me jump to a tangent Google search for pen pals. I'll just browse around, I know nothing beats personal interaction.)
Anyway, so 100 posts down and hopefully more to come.
Highlights of late: Gabriel was blessed on Sunday March 5th, Dad and the brothers were in town for it. Nothing much else.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
