So, I'm really at an odd place in my life right now. I find myself not feeling things that I'm thinking I should be feeling about certain things. Sorry for the vagueness, but my sense of personal propriety is rather "en gourde" at the moment. I recently have experienced a few new things in life, but my reactions to them have been far more jaded/confused/silent than I would have expected of myself originally. It is like I just don't find things a big deal, which is kind of scary considering what I'm talking about.
I do feel very lost however. I feel like I'm just doing the norms each day and who I am is becoming lost in all of that. I'm not sure exactly who I am, but I do know that I am not where/what/who I want to be right now.
As I wrote to a friend earlier "I've been contemplating a coup on my social life... just disconnecting completely from everything. I mean I'll carry my phone around for important phone calls from work and check my gmail for work e-mail, but nothing else - netflix, hulu, skype, facebook, chat rooms, Nothing... I don't know if it'd be possible, but I feel very lost."
So, that is where I am right now with things.... lost. I just wonder what is possible if I disconnect from all these digital things that consume so much of my attention. I know I would have a lot more time to read because I wouldn't be spending all my time watching shows. I've been missing reading lately. I worry about the repercussions of a total disconnect like this though - will I alienate friends that I usually only have contact with through social media and chat ? Will I miss out on activities and information from not checking my Facebook? I'm not sure. I also worry that I am too weak willed to go through with it. I feel like I would have to give my laptop to someone for safe keeping just so I wouldn't be able to open it whenever I feel like it.
So I don't know what to do just yet, but I know I'm being very discontent with the way I am reacting to things. I just feel like there is so much more out there that I am missing out on because of the things I am choosing to do instead. *Sigh* I hate feeling so lost.
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