Aches of the Head

I had a tension headache, that became a migraine, and now after doubling the dosage of migraine medicine and a day later, it is an intermittent headache. It comes and goes, just as painful when it's there as it was as a full blown migraine, but moments of clarity and good feelings. I hate not being able to get rid of it. The doc says I might have to have a CAT scan.... I'm not excited about that possibility... Well, maybe just a little, but only because I want to see what it is like. I just don't understand where the pain is coming from or how to fix it. It seems like the most random things trigger the pain. High pitched noises, really glaring light or single points of light in the dark (like a lightbulb or headlights), closing my eyes too tight. I just do not understand and that scares me. Joseph gave me a blessing, but he said it might not go away right way. I trust that the Lord will take care of me. I just wonder if I'm supposed to endure work through it all, and what about school? That's starts up again Monday. I just want the pain to cease. It feels like someone is squeezing my brain!!

My Heart Runneth Over

Tonight was the adult session of stake conference. I was blown away! I cannot remember the last time I was so spiritually affected in a church meeting. I held back the tears several times, but lost it on my way home. I am so blessed to live in the time that I do. I could just feel the Spirit SO strongly. It wrapped itself around me and hugged me so tight! I had such a confirmation of the divinity of Christ and that Elder Samuelson of the Seventy was His representative. Even thinking about it know my heart is full to bursting and the tears are not far away. I cannot wait till tomorrow to hear more! I feel so privileged and blessed to be able to have a special YSA session with Elder Samuelson in the morning! I'm so excited!! I cannot wait to hear from President Chugg and President Rawson. I love those guys! The whole stake presidency is just made up of amazing men who exemplify the Savior's love for us through their actions and words. I just know that they are truly called of God. I just have such an amazing assurance right now. Such a desire to reach out and to tell others of what I'm feeling in hopes that they will feel it too! I worry though because I know how often I tend to slack off after the moment has passed. I don't fight hard enough to keep the spiritual feelings. I don't put enough time and energy into seeking that true conversion of heart. I feel so blessed and loved, but guilty at the same time. I just want to find a way to dedicate myself to putting more into the work. To being the woman I know Heavenly Father wants me to be. I pray that I might make him proud. I know He loves me, but I want to know that I am worthy of his love. I want to show him how much I love Him through my works here on this Earth. I just can't wait for more conference tomorrow! And in less than a month is General Conference!! I love spring and fall in the church because of conferences!! I pray that I may keep this passion for the Spirit alive in my heart and my mind. I pray that I may know how and when I may share this joy and love with others who are seeking it. I pray that I might be effective in my calling and in touching the lives of the sisters. They mean so much to me. I pray I might be able to control my tears :)

Lazy

I feel like such a slacker!! I haven't gone to class in a whole week now!! Ugh! I have to stop this pattern of laziness!! I know that it's early, but that is just what my schedule is right now - I can't help that I have to be out so late each night because of work. I woke up on time to go paintballing on Saturday, but I couldn't get out of bed today for history and philosophy, again! I'm not liking this trend, I know what happens when I get like this. I just stop caring! I cannot fail these classes! I need to be there, I need to start studying again like I was at the beginning of the semester! I pray each night that I'll get enough sleep and be ready for school in the morning and then I just slap that wonderful night sleep in the face when the alarm goes off by resetting it for two hours later! I'm just going to say that I am non-plussed about my attitude right now. I've been very down on myself and very picky about other people. I just wish I could get my head on straight and my life organized! I know that I have help in Heavenly Father. I wish I would be more humble and let him in. It's like he's peeking through the window and I'm closing the drapes on him. I am so very walking on the side of the path. I need to get on it again. I need to find happiness. I need to find it in myself.