Struggles

I've been struggling hard core lately. I just feel like breaking down and crying. I feel so broken and fragile, like anything could push me over. I see glimpses of myself sitting in the corner of a dark room crying and talking to myself, and then I gather myself and want to slap myself for being so emotional and irrational with those kinds of thoughts. I know I have a lot on my plate, but I put it there. I took both jobs and really enjoy the benefits of both jobs and cannot support myself financially w/o both jobs. But I miss the things that made my life normal: institute, movies, friends, sleep. I miss not being satisfied with my job. I miss being happy. Sure, I have moments of happiness, but the overall feeling is sadness and loneliness and depression. Even now I'm sitting here, trying so hard to cry and to not cry and the same time. I want to cry because I know I usually feel better after I emotionally void myself, but I don't want to cry because I hate crying, I feel so weak and stupid when I cry. I just feel really burnt out and stressed about everything. I want to be able to manage it all gracefully while keeping a level head and not flipping out emotionally, but it does not seem like that is going to happen.