Only the Lonely

So, today I'm feeling rather blue. I just really miss my family and having people around who are there for me no matter what. I don't mind my living situation all that much, but I do not feel close to any of the girls. The fact is, I don't desire to feel close to any of them really. I guess something is just wrong with me. I feel like all the "Oh you're new" at church has worn me down. I just get sick of repeating answers to the standard regimen of questions that they always ask. Where'd you move from? What are you doing here? Are you going to school? Oh, that's a cool job, I bet it's fun/crazy/hard. Do you like it? Did you have fun this weekend? I mean... really? I don't want to talk to any of these people because I do not feel as if any of it is sincere. Perhaps I'm the one lacking the sincerity. I know I am. I have no sincere desire to know any of these people. I just want to be there and not worry about forming connections with them. So I'm lonely because I choose to be alone and keep my walls up rather than let them barrage me with the same thing weekly. Keep my answers short and non-enthusiastic. It usually wears them down and they leave me alone. I just want my family to be here. I am missing out on so much with them this summer. It's driving me crazy. Oh well, nothing to do for now except keep breathing and trying to be okay.