It's me or the dog....

I hide behind a lot of things; my weight, my family, my dog, my job, myself...etc. I fight hard with myself and others for the right to do so. I do not want certain securities to go away. My dog for instance is recently the topic of much controversy/debate in my life recently. I got her over a year ago now. She became a huge wedge between my roommate at the time and myself, mainly because I did not want to give her back to the pound. I was selfish. I still am selfish. Throughout the entire duration of time that I have had her my family has always said "Get rid of her. It's unfair to her for you to have her." I cannot bring myself to give her up. She is the one thing that brings me happiness when I'm home.
I am scared. I love having her around because she gives me something to focus on rather than focus on myself. I do not want to face being alone by myself. If I come home and she's not here to be stupid and make me smile, what will? Who will be here to be a presence when I feel so alone? I do not want to face myself alone. I do not want to have to sit there in silence and have nothing to focus on other than myself. Nothing to care for other than myself. But now I've had her so long that I've formed a strong attachment that is going to be extremely hard and painful to sever. My parents think that it is something I must do. I agree with them in my heart because of the underlying goal they have for me, but it hurts so much to think of life alone.
I do not like to be alone. When left to my own self I often drift to the darker side of my thoughts and the emptiness seems to swallow me whole some days. I'm scared. Scared to tears of the reality of what I'd have to face without having something else to focus my energies on. I do not like to face my fears alone. Not that the dog can help me overcome my fears, but she is something to hug. Something warm to cuddle up against. Something that loves me unconditionally, even when she doesn't listen and when I yell at her. I'm just scared to death of letting her go and I feel like I'm doing her wrong doing so.
I just don't want to be alone. I do not want to come home to an empty apartment and have nothing to love. Because I don't love myself enough to be alone. But "It's me or the dog." I know she's not the only thing holding me back or that I lean on or hide behind, but she is a large one, one that causes a lot of grief to those around me. I love her dearly though. I am very conflicted. Very scared. And taking those things said with love to me in a very hard way. The wicked take the truth to be hard. I am lacking a love for myself, a confidence in myself, a faith in myself. I wish it were easier. I wish I could compromise, but in this battle there must be no compromise. Decisions must be made and they will be so very bitter and hard at times, hopefully not all of them will be thus though.
"I need Thee every hour." We sang that today in church and I just wanted to cry. I closed my eyes and prayed through the song's words. I know that I can make it through. I know, deep down in my heart - as hard as it may be at times, that I am never alone as long as I let the Savior into my life. I just need to get through this. I hope that I will get through this. That I will make the right decisions, that I will let my heart lead and that my heart will be softened to the promptings of the Spirit as I go through this time of trials of self-discovery and learning to love myself. "I need Thee Every Hour" just came on on "The Mormon Channel" - Perfect is His love and sufficient His grace, even for me, if only I'd allow Him in.