Mother's Day

So today is Mother's Day. Got me thinking about several things: my deep desire to be a mother and wife someday (hopefully not too far gone in the future), my own mother and how we've had such an at-odds relationship for most of my life (until recently), and the women in this life who are great examples of mother and act as second mothers to me.
I truly do believe that the greatest calling a women could ever hold is that of mother. I know, deep deep down in my hear that I am meant to be a mother on this earth. When I received my patriarchal blessing, I will not lie, I was waiting for it and when I heard that I would have the opportunity to be a mother and a wife, I bawled. It was the one thing I wanted to know for sure. I still fear that the wicked days of my past have made me unworthy for that great blessing and will always be grateful to my dad who gave me a comfort blessing letting me know that I hadn't screwed it up yet. Ever since then I have been devoted to being the kind of woman who is deserving of being a mother to precious spirits. I do not believe I have any other greater desire in my heart and soul. It is why I gravitate towards children all the time. I'm secretly yearning for them to be mine and to be able to care for them; to hold them when they are scared or tired, to kiss their cheeks while they sleep, to show them the wonderful truth of the gospel that they may know the joy it brings to my life. So, I wait. Impatiently at times but always anxiously. Family matters most to me and I do not think that will ever change.
What would the world be without mothers? Unfathomable!! I like the John Mayer song daughters "Mothers be good to your daughters, daughters will love like you do. Girls become lovers who turn into mothers, so mothers be good to your daughters too." It is so true that you become your mother! Oh that dreaded phrase "You're just like your mother!", usually said with such backhanded sympathy because they knew you never wanted to be like your mother, but laugh that you now are. I've always been a mini-me of my mom; in appearance, in emotional issues, and in the way I deal with things. It's no wonder that I turned out pretty much exactly like her. That is okay though. I truly do LOVE my mom. I think back to all the times when as a teenager growing up when I purposefully put myself at odds with her. I did not make loving me easy, but she always did and still does. I do not think I will ever be able to make up for the way I treated her as a teen/young adult, but I hope I never give up trying. Like mother like daughter.
A special shout-out to all the wonderful women in my life. For all my friends' moms who were like moms to me whenever I was around. Who provided me with a great Easter while my family was away, who makes the most amazing cheesecakes ever, who helped raise some of the most wonderful women in the world who I am blessed to call friends. You've provided me with an army of sisters and brothers to help me conquer the insecurities inside myself through their friendship and love which they gained from you! You are amazing! Thank you!
I cannot wait to see my mother today after church for her Mother's Day dinner. I will give her the biggest hug possible! I hope she knows how much I love her. If she doesn't, I'm going to tell her, over and over, until she knows! Thank you mom for loving me always. Despite myself.