Egg-sasperating!

I'm in a funk again. My brain is just bogged down with negative thoughts about how tonight went. What was tonight you might ask? Well, tonight, better yet, let me just tell you about my day.
I woke up at 9:30 when my alarm went off and went upstairs to help Dad in the kitchen. He had already started the cheese sauce for the potatoes au gratin, so I started slicing up the potatoes on the mandalin. After that dish was all composed nicely in the crock pot there really wasn't much else to do. So I got ready for church, went to my meetings, the normal stuff. After meetings, but before church started I practiced my part of "There is a Green Hill Far Away" with the choir. I was playing a descant during the last verse. During practice, the first two times the choir went through it my fingers and my brain were just at war and I could not, for the life of me, play it on the same measure and beat as them. So I took my music and went into the overflow and played my part over and over again until my fingers got their jitters out. I then went back to practice and we ran through it two more times, both times messing up, but not as badly as the first time. So then church started and I was a nervous wreck the whole time because I HATE playing in front of people because I know that I am not good at it. So the time came, and MIRACLE OF MIRACLES! I was able to play my part through and not collapse before I made it back to a seat next to Nate on the stand. Went and sang the second song with the choir too, which was the closing number, and then as I turned to go back to sit by Nate during the prayer, I tripped on the steps of the stand and fell to my hands and knees. Thankfully my knee was just a bit sore and it did not bleed. This happy/unhappy incident did bring about more people asking me if I was okay than remembering how horrible I sounded as I played, so that went well. The rest of church was pretty standard as church goes.
After church though Scott, Josh - the new guy, and Stephanie B. came over for dinner at our house. I had invited Scott on Tuesday, he asked if Josh could come because he also did not have family to celebrate with, and I brought Stephanie along last minute to act as another buffer between my awkward shyness and Scott. In case I've not yet mentioned before; I like Scott. I cannot figure out why I even think that there is a hope of anything happening there because I am so not the pretty, thin, witty, fun type of girl that he usually goes out with. But nonetheless I did invite him. He came over, probably because he is also friends with Jacob and Michael. Dinner was good, but the conversation lacked terribly. I'm not good at it. I was so nervous the whole time. The talking and good times started over pie and then continued on into playing Cranium. Scott was on my team, which was kind of Stephanie, since she got to choose first and let me have him. We even won! I was very happy. But yeah, I just honestly don't know what hope I'm holding onto here with the idea of he and I. Right now, I just feel awkward texting him because I don't know if my texts are even wanted, and I hate sending texts that require an answer. Why can't a guy just text me, or invite me somewhere? :(
I am one lonely duckling right now. I won't say ugly because I know that there are several beautiful things about me and I know that I am worthy of a good man, but this being lonely thing just sucks. As more time passes through the year I just keep thinking to myself - OMG you're going to be 26 this year! Wasn't turning 25 and not being married or dating anyone bad enough!! I swear I'm going to be an old spinster and I am not looking forward to it. I want to be married, I want to be a wife and a mother, I want to have someone in my life.
Now please don't confuse this with me being obsessed to the point where I stalk or am creepy. I'm not, but I just highly desire those things in my life right now. I would be happy with having a consistent guy friend whose hand I could hold and hug every once in a while. I wish I knew what I could do to be more outgoing and desirable to the guys around here (well, at least the ones I would say yes if the asked me out because admittedly, there are a few I would say no to.) Sigh.
I'm so stuck in this rut. I want out so badly!! What should I do Lord? Where should I go, what should I be? Am I in the wrong place? Am I not serving a purpose here? Is the happiness I seek somewhere else, or is it something I need to find within myself first? I just wish I had the answers. Great, now I want to cry and watch a chick-flick. Or sleep for hours on end... Frick.