He lives to wipe away my tears....

It seems the more I try to understand life, the more I cry.
I want to be a good daughter of God. I want to try and understand my purpose here. I know the general purpose; come to Earth, be tested, life faithfully, return home to our Heavenly Father, but it's so much more than that. I want to know what my life will be like.
I truly believe in the blessings promised in my Patriarchal blessing, but I worry that some of the things I've done in my life have caused me to lose some of those blessings, including those I desire most. I can't see myself being as selfless and faithful as Sister Barbara Thompson in life, being single. I see others around me finding happiness with others and yet I feel like the third wheel. The spare tire, good for when an emergency pops up, but otherwise hanging out in the back of the car, alone. I just wish I had someone to be there for me.
I learned a very powerful lesson today about Pride during Institute. Bishop Steinegal gave us a great little "Book of Ezra" which was a talk by President Ezra Taft Benson which explains Pride. It is a mighty powerful talk and the part that hit me the hardest was "Pride is a sin that can readily be seen by others, but is rarely admitted in ourselves." Also, what Pride is. Pride is Enmity towards God and our fellowmen, enmity being defined as Hatred, Hostility, and Opposition. It was kind of a very big slap in the face when I thought about it like that. There are so many times each day when I display those horrible attributes. I felt really bad about all of it. I have a lot on my mind right now and just needed to let it out... Thus the creation of my blog!

I want to use this blog to help me record those moments in my life when my faith has been shaken or strengthened. I just want to find Faith.