Moving to Utah

I decided a few weeks ago that I am moving to Utah after Christmas. I am going to live with Joe & Sarah until I am able to obtain a job and a roommate. I am excited and scared.

Belated Birthday Thoughts

So, as we all know (now), yesterday was my birthday. I turned twenty-six! I am not sure exactly how I feel about all of it, but I do know that I am greatly blessed. A lot of people love me and I truly felt that yesterday. It was a really nice day!

Those Big Questions

So, I have decided, that despite knowing the generic answers to these big questions, I want to know the answers for them for me, specifically.

I want to know the following:
*Where did I come from?
*Why am I here?
*Where am I going?

These may seem like they have basic "seminary" answers, but I want to dive into them, really ponder and pray about it and find my reason for being where I am right now, and figure out if I am in the right spot. I could be in the wrong place and not even know it.
So, that is my personal pursuit as of now. I am going to figure out ME. It will not be easy, and I will probably want to give up. But I believe, so earnestly, that if I answer these questions, I will be able to find some joy and happiness in my life that will help extinguish all the negativity that's been poisoning my system lately.
I start tonight with a prayer.

Lonesome

(Going Purple in honor of the sweater I wore today!)

Anyway, today was a fairly good day. It was raining and we had to take Michael's car to church today - I went over a bump in the road too fast and the weight in the back of the car caused the new suspension to break :( The Harrison Park Ward had a new bishop called, Bishop Aaron Harris! (I knew it would be him!) Sunday School was really good- Nate taught about the book of Hebrews. I learned a lot and so admire his knowledge of the scriptures. Relief Society was good - my teacher cancelled on me this morning via text message :( so I ended up winging the lesson; thankfully the sisters were very good with their comments today! The linger longer went well, good amount of people & food. The missionary fireside was tonight and it went well. Almost everyone had an opportunity to ask a question, give an answer, or share an experience. The Elders also gave a very good mini lesson on Spiritual v. Social Conversion and our roles in each.
However, as most things go- I started having a bunch of feelings and ended up kind of withdrawing emotionally from the whole scene. I hate that it reads on my face so easily that my mind is burdened with something. It is rather difficult to hide though, that feeling of wanting to burst into tears. It all comes down to this though: I am longing for a man of my own. Someone who understands my moods, knows when I need a hug and is there for me to hug whenever, someone who I can always count on to make me smile. I just was feeling really lonesome today and I could not shake it. I desperately wanted a hug, but not from a sister. They are always willing to dole out the compliments & hugs. Why can't a guy? Why won't a guy notice how great my hair looks or how sweet I am? I know it is not fair to expect these things, but I just really wished I could have gotten a hug tonight. I needed one, so bad! I still do. I honestly feel like I just need to collapse into someone's embrace and just cry. Nothing in particular is wrong, but I have these pent up emotions that need to be released. I hate bottling them up, but it is just want I have to do.
Sigh, so anyway - that's where things are right now. Me = lonely. Still. :(

Catch-up

Time to play a little bit of catch-up.
Let's see, I worked a lot this summer, especially right before school started up again, but now I'm trying to figure out how to get 40 hours a week. I love being a trainer, but hate that no one respects the position. Church is going well - ish. I'm still the Relief Society president and my counselors are FINALLY both back in town and able to get down to business again. We've instituted the Grub Club - whose first meeting is this week (Ice cream @ Marble Slab Creamery.) Hope it goes well. I'm no longer "officially" on the Institute council. Scott moved back home to Washington to work for Boeing (sad, but good for him.) Joe & Sarah have moved to Utah so Joe can attend the University of Utah for law school, and Sarah's pregnant! (Baby is due sometime in March!) Aaron is back up at K-State for school and working as a ticket-taker/usher at the stadium. Michael still works @ Wally World and Jacob works at Applebee's up in Park City.
I officially decided that I'm going to move to Utah. I'm saving $25 from each paycheck and putting it away for my moving funds. I can live with Joe & Sarah temporarily until I find a roommate & job, which hopefully won't take too long. I really think this is the right thing to do.
I guess nothing else is new much. Still just trying to keep my head above water by will alone.

F.I.N.E.

How is it possible that I feel this disappointed in myself and my life? I have only that small shred of self confidence that fights so desperately to find the brightness in things, yelling at me "It will be okay. You are a daughter of God. You are loved. You have a lot going for you. Don't give up." It has to fight so hard because it knows that if it didn't then I would just give into the darkness. I would let myself fall and not care where I land whether it be on a street corner or six feet under. I just look at myself and the only way I can is by focusing on the one or two things I like about myself (my eyes and my hair or teeth usually). If I were to take my whole self in I get saddened and disgusted. I caught myself in the mirror at Stephanie's today and thought "Oh my god, is that what it looks like when I sit that way, crap!" I hate the way I look. I cannot stand how fat I am.
And yet I'm scared. And I doubt my willpower and ability. It is so easy to say " Well, I can make the changes necessary, I can exercise daily by going on little jog/walks" but then my self doubt creeps in "No you can't. You know that you'll do it for a week or two max and then you'll find some convenient excuse to skip it one day, and then another, and then pretty soon you're right back where you started. Because you're useless and have no staying power." Yeah, I am my own worst enemy, but then again, they say that this is common in the world, but it doesn't make my personal challenges any less real or important, or hard!
I just want things to be different. I have a friend who always says she feels like a failure as a wife because she's having troubles conceiving. She is a great wife to her luckiest-man-on-earth husband. I know how she feels though, now. I feel like I'm a failure as a woman because no man is attracted to me and no man wants to be with me. I feel like a failure as a person because I have no set education goals and am not really looking to set any. I am unfortunately set in this rut where I just want to survive until something comes along to take care of me- to where I don't have to worry about it anymore. I think I might be waiting for a bus to hit me or something. I honestly would be scared if I counted how many times I thought about myself dying.
I guess for now though, I'm just going to have to be okay with being F.I.N.E.

Dr. Jekyll Anyone?

So, apparently I am a mean person who tells people to leave from activities and makes them feel unwelcome - who then deserves to be talked about behind my back in front of others who did not know anything about what really happened and were just listening to the gossip of others and relying on it as truth. Way to go me.
Yeah, so I was not mean. I was stern if nothing else. I am not about to let some random guys who are immature get Scott & Dave in trouble at their apartment complex just because they want to have a little fun. I simply told them to respect the rules or disrespect them somewhere else.
This age gap is annoying.

Ozark YSA Conference!!

So this weekend was the Ozark YSA Conference and it was SO much fun!!!
Friday:
Got to the building at 9am and more than half the people were already there! (Huge shock, because no one is ever on time!) We're on the road by 10! We are officially the very fun van and talk and laugh and joke all the way there! We had lunch at McDonald's/ gas station around 11:50. We strolled into Springdale around 3:40 and since we were there SO early, we had dinner at Cracker Barrel - yum! We got back to the Stake Center around 5:30 and got registered and signed in. We then were taught some fancy schmancy swing dance steps, which I was horrible at, but the whole idea was fun! The dance then was underway! Two words to describe the whole thing: Hot and FUN!! I have never danced so much at a dance - ever! I danced with abandon and just had the best time doing it!! There were these giant fans that our branch camped out in front of, which was super smart because it was a sweat-box!! After the dance we were assigned our host homes and thank heavens for Brett's GPS or we never would have made it there!! Allison Johnson, Erin Soutar, Steph Held, & I stayed with the Wall family and they are awesome!! I went to bed SO exhausted that night!!
Saturday: Woke up in the morning feelin' like P'Diddy- --- Oh wait... LOL!! Woke up still super tired, but ready to go! Got dressed and ate some tasty instant oatmeal cereal and discovered our host home had CHICKENS in the back yard!! We then picked up Jackie and Lisa from their host home, also in Rogers, AR and went to the University of Arkansas for the day's activities! We started out with work shops. I attended "Leadership in the Church" which was all about being a better leader by becoming a better person! "Surviving Family Life" which was so solid on how to avoid conflict and - duh- survive family life! and "Becoming and Finding an Eternal Companion" which was put on by the Osmand's (Donny Osmand's son Don & his wife Jessie - super cute couple only married 10 months!) which was great about the love languages! Then we had lunch, which was tasty sammiches! During lunch the Osmands put on a 70's Dating Game, which was fun, but it was WAY too hot to stay and watch it all. The activities then moved over to the HPER building on campus (which was like this five minute complete downhill walk - totally crazy!! There we played "Never Have I Ever" then "Minute to Win It" and then we went and played Volleyball! It was also very fun! We did that until about 4:30, then we went and took pictures of UofA's awesome greek ampitheatre!! Steinagel then took us back up to the Stake Center where we had a decent bbq dinner, a service project slide show, and a devotional by the Osmands. After that was all over we had Another dance!! I was so wiped out from the one before that I did not dance nearly as much, but I still did dance!! Scott is a fabulous swing dance partner and slow dancer too, as is Nate. After the dance, our awesome host home YSA Calissa introduced Stephanie and I to the BEST frozen custard around - Andy's! OMGoodness!! It was so smooth and delicious! I would go to AR again, just for that!! We then crashed asleep hard!
Sunday:
Woke up super early (6am) because we had to be at the building at 8 for the choir rehearsal - I was not a part of it because they already had tons of people, but Jackie and Lisa were. We had a testimony meeting, which was really nice and then a devotional by some of my favorite people, whom I was so glad to see there, I just lit up and was so excited when I saw them, THE SOUTHWARDS!! That is right, the Temple President and Matron! I love them!! It was really really good! After they were done we closed out the meeting and the conference provided sack lunches for us to take on the road home with us (BRILLIANTLY simple and satisfying!) We got on the road about 12:30 and had a goal of being home before 6 so that our stalwart priesthood holders could attend their priesthood meeting- and we made it!! We were right there at six, but they got there!! Hooray for awesome guys!! I was able to drive some of the way back because Nate was so tired! He just passed out in the passenger seat and all the girls took pictures of him sleeping :) So cute! We dropped them off, took the girls up to the 13th street building to get their stuff out of the other van and go home. We then went and cleaned out the Hills' van and drove it back down to the Stake Center to deliver to Nate.
I finally got home around 9, craving a shower and food. I was able to eat some delicious hamburgers! Yum! But alas, I need to do laundry before I can get a shower :( So that is in the works at the moment. I really need to get to bed soon because I have work in the morning! I hope that my candidate has not regressed over this weekend!
Anyway, hooray for awesome times and just being happy and having fun!!!

Odd Man Out.....

Being the only girl amongst my siblings, I often find myself either grouped in with the boys, treated as some other species, or forgotten about. I'm not sure I really prefer any of their methods of "categorizing" me. I am not some object that needs to be put in a place and identified. I am Taylor. I started a sentence and just erased it because it was so cliche it scared even me. But, there is some truth to it, so why not. I am a sister, a daughter, a friend, a school bus driver, a Relief Society sister & President, a member of the Institute Council (for now anyway), a "Mormon"... I can't really think of anything else right now, but I am sure there is more... I sure hope there is. I want to be so much more; a wife, a mother, an aunt, a grandmother, a missionary's mother, a missionary... and so many other things.
But right now, it just seems I am the odd man out - probably because I am not a man. I don't want to "hang with the boys" and talk about, let alone listen to them talk about, all their suggestively dirty jokes and rumors. I just want to do the work that I am assigned to do, have a good time doing it, and actually learn stuff. I hope tomorrow is going to be better on that front. I can handle Charles and Chris alone because those two together are not the buddy-chummy-let's talk like guys- types. But put Jason and Charles together and I'm all alone because then it's a boys club.
Well, I better get to bed or my goal of six and a half hours sleep is going to fade rapidly down to less than six!
Goodnight self. Dream well. Live better!

Retraction & Smoke

So, I totally need to apologize for all the things I said about Kristin's planning of Scott's birthday. She is a good person and I was just being jealous. It was a blast and done for all the right reasons! This past week has been such a blast! Monday was FHE, and it was annoying, but I'm not going to dwell on it. Tuesday was Institute and after a great lesson I was able to unload my cares on Pres. Beeson - marvelous man - who gave me a blessing and I've felt so much better since. After institute a small party of us went over to Dayna's to watch a movie (The Italian Job) and decorate a door banner for Scott. Mayra, Dayna, Anna, Nate, and Myself then went and put balloons all over his floor and taped the banner over his door! It was awesome! Wednesday we met at Old Chicago for some good dinner and then went to Northrock for some Bowling! After that we went over to Dayna's again and watched Tangled! Thursday afternoon I went with some peoples to a Derby Twins' baseball game, which was cancelled due to the weather (tornado weather)! So our group went to Buffalo Wild Wings where we enjoyed some delicious food stuffs and drinks and then we all went over to the house of the Hills Family :) They are an amazing family and what I want my future family to be like. So awesome! Friday, Jacob and I went mini golfing at riverfest with Scott, Josh, and Kenny - which was super fun! I got a hole in one!!! and I tied Scott for the win!! That night we met up at Village Inn for dessert! yummy pie! Saturday morning the brothers and I went disc golfing at a new little park up in Valley Center - cute 9 hold course. At the end we played three rounds of disc golf putting horse! So much fun - I even have video! That night I was supposed to go to the final concert of Riverfest, but decided I'd spent enough time with those guys and not enough with my family (6/7 days that week I'd seen Scott!). So Jacob and Aaron and I went swimming at Joe & Sarah's apartment - very fun, but cold! Yep, so that was my week. Super busy because I was usually up way too late and waking up really early due to work.
Today we had a little adventure at church - during Sunday school there came a smell of smoke and so Bishop Guthomson decided to evacuate the building and call the fire department. I'm sure we'll find out what it was that happened sooner or later! Met a new sister at church today - Jamie Peregine - very excited! She's an ObGyn @ Wesley for the next 4 years of her residency! Very exciting!! So now just an afternoon of laundry, room organization, and family dinner!

Annoyed, for no reason....

Isn't one boyfriend enough? Seriously, she should not be planning Scott's surprise birthday party. It annoys me because anything and almost everything she is involved with ends up being about her in the end and she, like others I know, myself included, gets upset and pouty when things don't go her way. But seriously, I wanted to plan something with his other friends, like Brett and Mayra, she shouldn't be doing this - she didn't even ask if others wanted to help, just said - this is what it is. It is kind of rude to assume you can plan something like that without anyone else.
But I'm just being petty because I didn't get to plan it. It will probably be better this way anyway. I'm still going to do his door with Mayra and Brett - unless she hijacks that too :( I'll have to see if Brett knows if she plans too - in that case, I'll just let her be polygamous and wash my hands of it. Yep, bitter, bitter, bitter.... guess that makes me a bitty :P

Circle Time!

So, I dropped the ball in RS today and did not have a lesson planned. With Katie out of town I know nothing about lessons. Anyway - what we ended up doing was putting our chairs around in a circle. First we went around and said our names and Jenna, being the keen cookie she is, fired a question at each person - random fun things! That was nice. I then opened it up to the sisters to ask what they wanted to talk about - seems cliche, but marriage was the topic of choice.
We all said the first word that popped into our minds when we thought of marriage (love, family, kids, hard, awkward, want!, eternal, temples, ect.) Then we heard from our experts - sisters Hairr & Beeson- about their experiences a little bit. We talked about some of the fears and questions we have about marriage - what do we do when our spouse dies young, how do I know it's the right guy and I'm not making a mistake? Good solid questions.
It was really nice to see the sisters all talking to each other and being involved! It was unorthodox, but it worked today! Yay!

Pay it Forward?

So, I think that because I was recently exposed to a loss in my own family, of my dear Nana, that all the comfort and knowledge I was given to help cope, is now being given me as an opportunity to share it with others in the same situation. Brett's grandpa passed away tonight. I was with her at the hospital for like an hour and a half and then she calls me half an hour later because he's gone. Wow. I am so grateful for all that I was able to have said to me and I pray that even half of what I said to her and talked with her about is helpful. I just want her to be comforted. I know I was.

Ignorance is Bliss....until it blindsides you...

Yeah, I didn't need to know that Lisa and Scott went out to Imbiss Grille and then a concert :( I wanted to go to that restaurant with him.... It is probably my fault for talking about the restaurant in front of her, but I don't know if he asked her or she asked him or what happened.... it doesn't really matter. It is just another nail in the coffin of facts that Scott doesn't like me that way. He was being nice when he said yes to our date, but other than that, nothing. I shouldn't have expected anything else I guess.
I think the reason why I cannot date/ will not date any other guys in our branch is that I know that they are not who I really want to be with and would be unhappy because I would be settling or lowering my standards.. and I really don't want to do that.
So yeah... I wish I hadn't known that... I was happy not knowing that, but now my heart is a little heavier and I just wish he wasn't so awesome so that I did not have to like him. Sigh.

On a happier note! I started my Train the Trainer stuff today and am super excited about it all. I really hope I make the grade and get to become a trainer!

Missing: Mom

I'm not sure what to do for her... I mean, I cannot replace what she lost - no one could. Why didn't she tell me when she found out about all of this two weeks ago? How come she didn't tell me yesterday when it happened? I'm so glad I found out, even if it was second hand. I cannot imagine what she's going through. It was hard watching my own mother go through it, but to now have a good friend going through it too - plus there is that woman at work... Why do mom's have to die?
I often feel so guilty about being ungrateful to my mom. I can say I hope she knows I love her, but I so badly just want her to know that I love her and shouldn't just hope she knows. I should make sure she knows - even when I'm upset with her about the stupidest things. I want that to change. I want my mother to know that she is one of the most cherished people in my life. I cannot stand thinking of her leaving this life not knowing how much she means to me. I will not have her thinking I don't love her. I love my mom. So much!

Wallowing...

So, I'm wallowing. My brain has been doing it all day long - ever since I saw that Scott invited Brett over to play rock band - and remembering how he looked at her last night - dying for him to look at me that way. I think I must be crazy, blogging about a guy who I am no claim over whatsoever. I just think that I deserve great and yet, it always looks me over. Does a guy know that you're into him from one casual date experience? What do I need to do? Should I consider it my rejection that it's been a week and nothing has been said about it at all? I only got up the guts to do it with the hopes that it would end in rejection so I wouldn't have to care about him anymore anyway. But now, now I'm just hanging on... waiting... I feel ridiculous feeling this way. I really should just embrace trying to have fun and be happy. But not today... today I returned home the dog I picked off the streets last night, got feathers in my hair with Brett and told her how much I liked Scott, ate lunch, twice (NuWay & Schlotzky's), wandered around mopishly with Ashley (!), came home and ate more than half of my half gallon of mint chocolate chip ice cream, and watched Drop Dead Diva - cute show. Yeah,,, today I'm wallowing.... I wish my room would magically be cleaned so I could just have peace and a sanctuary here... but alas... no such luck. Unless... unless I can get Aaron to do it... ugh, no such luck - even he doesn't want to deal with this mess... I can't blame him though. It's mainly laundry... *Bang my head with a pillow* ACK!! I just cannot seem to bring myself to buckle down and do it. I know I need to....
Oh well, I'm off work Monday and pretty sure nothing is going on - I just better snap out of this funk within the next hour so I can have a good time tonight! I hope my happy face is well rested!

Anxiety

I find my heart swimming in a sea of nervous motion and it feels so sick. I don't know whether to just sit in a dark room and cry away the anxiety or try and claw my way out of its oppressive grip. I find myself so flustered and confined feeling when around a lot of people - even people whom I usually love to hang out with. I think there is usually a trigger though - something that sets the cascade of nerves and fears loose. Today I think it might have been a combination of several things. I was nervous being around Scott after our date because we haven't talked about it at all. I was trying to avoid getting caught up in conversation by Kenny, Josh, and Robbie. And I was trying to put on a happy face over all of it. I just had to get away from it all. I left the room and stepped outside for maybe 5-10 minutes, just standing on the balcony by myself - rocking back and forth while holding my arms folded. Even when I did have the nerve to go back inside I couldn't help but wring my hands or fidget nervously. In the end, I just did not want to stay, being the way I was. So I slipped out - hopefully unnoticed, but at the same time wishing someone noticed. I do not want to get attention from this - I'm not seeking attention, but I do want to know I'm not completely alone in it all. I came home and did the dishes, because that always relaxes me when I do it for other people- not quite the same cathartic experience, but slightly helpful. Afterwards I escaped to my room, where I watched some TV on Hulu and am now doing this - hoping to also ease the tension. It helps. So does talking to Joseph on Facebook. I love my brothers :) All of them!

Best Weekend! Part 3

After TOFW was over we went back to our car and drove home. The drive home was great and so full of later at all the silliest things! Sarah really is so very funny! I wish I could remember it all! We got home around seven and by seven forty five I was out the door again. I had been texting Scott on the ride home and he informed me that a few of them were meeting to go to the Carnival that was in the Towne West Mall parking lot - you know, one of those mobile ones! So I as super excited to go! Jacob and Aaron declined my invitation and poor Michael was working - as usual :( So it turned out being just Me, Scott, Brett, Josh, and Kenny. We all went on the Pirate ship ride first! The big ship that swings back and forth, going up really high and then dropping you down! I have such a huge fear of that falling and the terror just naturally rose up in my chest (along with my stomach) and I screamed so much each time we could come down from going up. I really do love that ride though and was laughing the whole time! After that Brett, Scott, and Josh were all really brave and went up in this one ride that straps you into these metal box cars kind of, with seats inside, and then it basically just goes swinging to and fro and up and around in a big circle - actually hanging you upside down at one point! I would have screamed my head off! But they all liked it! We then went and watched Kenny go on a ride where you all stand against the wall of a giant metal circle which then spins around really fast and tilts up at an angle - again, super creepy for me! The boys and I then went on the Tilt-a-Whirl, which are like half egg shells that you kind of sit in and then as the platform beneath you goes around, up and down, the plate which the shells sits on tilts left and right and you can spin around really fast! Luckily I had Kenny as my seat partner and he knew what to do and we spun so fast sometimes! Poor Scott and Josh had no idea and only moved when the ride moved them. But it was such a fun ride! They all then went and rode on the swings. Scott and Josh were sitting on one side while Brett and Kenny sat on the other, and while waiting to see if more would come, Josh and Scott started bumping each other and kicking on each others' swings and the carnival worker said "Don't get crazy!" LOL - Best line of the night! We repeated it many times thereafter! As a final thing, Brett and I rode the Pirate Ship again and then we called it at the carnival! It was so much fun!! It was a pity that the ferris wheel was $5 to ride or else I would have gladly gone up it in. I forgot to see how much the Carousel was... Oh well! LOL - although Scott did set me straight about the difference between a Carousel and a Merry-Go-Round, which is what I called it originally.
The night was pretty chilly and because I was silly and didn't bring a jacket, I was COLD! So we all went to Village Inn and got some foods. I got hot chocolate and a slice of lemon supreme pie! Pure deliciousness! Christin Brown joined us and we just had some of the best talking ever! I don't even know if I can call it conversation because it was really so random at times! Tattlebox! Don't get Crazy! LOL!
Oh man, I had such a good time tonight and this whole weekend, just superb... seriously! I feel so good and recharged! I pray I don't let it go.

Best Weekend! Part 2

Saturday - T.O.F.W. :
Saturday started with my alarm clock going off at six thirty a.m.! My own fault because I needed to shower in the morning - otherwise my hair just never works! So I took my shower - so grateful for shampoo and conditioner that mom let me use! I got dressed and went into the room and peeked out of the curtains - no sun rise, too clouded over :( But I bet OK has nothing on KS sunrises! Sarah woke up about that time and we finished getting our stuff packed away. We left the hotel about 7am and went to Whataburger for breakfast! Now, I know that sounds crazy, but they are open 24hr/day and they DO have a breakfast menu - granted that didn't stop me from ordering a double cheeseburger for breakfast! hehe! It was super tasty! So after breakfast we made a quick run to a Circle K for conference snacks and Wal-Mart for feminine items that Sarah needed. We got to the convention center and made it to our seats that Alaina had saved for us (what an angel! - lol, Her sister Angel was there too - and her mother in law!) just Five minutes before everything started!!
It opened with Music by Hillary Weeks. She has some of the most gorgeous tear-invoking music I have ever heard! It was gorgeous! (As was she!) The first speaker was Mariama Kallon, a sister from Sierra Leone, and oh my gosh - she blew me away! She was fantastic! Inspiration and pure gratitude embodied on earth. She told us of her childhood and how she put herself through school digging pens and pencils out of trashcans and collection scraps of paper for a notebook. She told us of when she and her sister were held captive by some rebel forces and they were all lined up about to have their arms and legs chopped off. Her sister was fifth in line and she was tenth. She prayed to the Lord, she had faith and knew that there was something he could do to help save her and some of these women. Their soldiers came and saved the two women in front of her and the five after her. Her sister's legs and arms were cut off and she was sent to a village where the amputees were cared for where she died. She served a mission in Temple Square and had no family to write her and never got any packages, but the loving sister missionaries around her wrote to their mothers about her and soon she was receiving packages from all their mothers! She was so grateful! A story was told by her mission president in video form. He says "One day I was walking across Temple Square and I saw Sister Kallon running towards the South Gate and I asked her what she was doing, and she said 'I am going to meet a black man!' and then she just kept on going. What I didn't know was that just before I saw her there, she had gone into the coat closet and poured out her soul to the Lord, asking him to send to her a black man, someone from West Africa like her, whom she rarely saw on Temple Square, one whom she could teach the gospel too. She told the Lord where she was going and then got up and ran there! I assumed when she told me that she had had an appointment with a man there, but no, she simply went. I asked her how long she had waited and she said about five minutes - and then, there was a man from Ghana, a country not far from her own. And she taught him the Gospel." (Forgive my horrible retelling, it is definitely not direct quote.) She related the scriptures so well to our lives and told us how very grateful she was for so many things, including bosoms- because you can carry a great many things in them! (That had us laughing SO Hard!) She was fantastic! So inspirational!
After Mariama was done spreaking Hillary took the stage again and told us stories and sang songs - it was wonderful! She told us how she had read once that we once think 300 negative thoughts a day, 300! She wanted to know if it was true and went and bought a clicker and started clicking away for all those negative thoughts. One day, she was so depressed, and she asked herself, "Could this be because of the clicker?" Was it because she was thinking only and focusing only on those negative things - so she switched it up, she started clicking for all the things she was grateful for! It was wonderful! (They even sold the clickers at the TOFW Store! I didn't buy one, but they sold out!) There were so many other wonderful stories she told and I wish I could remember them all! Her music though, so fun and original and also so spiritual and uplifting!
Next was the Mother/Daughter team of Linda Eyre and Shawni Pothier. Both amazing women who spoke on finding Holiness in Motherhood. Shawni take the most amazing photos! I feel bad, but I do not remember specific stories that they told, but I do know that they were marvelous.
After they spoke, the sole male presenter spoke, S. Michael Wilcox. He spoke about his late wife (who apparently my parents knew) and he talked about how we can be related to a navigator's compass - that tool you use to draw straight lines and circles that kind of is like two pencils stuck together on a pivot. We need to fix our one point firmly in the Gospel of Jesus Christ and then allow ourselves to reach out and find joy, light, knowledge, and truths in so many other things, other religions included. It was a wonderful talk and he spoke of his wife and my heart just broke for him. It was great though, to hear him and learn from him.
After that was lunch! We walked over to Abuelos and had lunch with Alaina, Angel, and their mother (how I wish I remembered her name!) Sarah is so mischievous! She poured two, not One, but TWO, sugar packets into mom's Sprite while she wasn't paying attention! The funny things about it was that mom had ordered her Sprite with lemons to cut the sweetness! When mom drank it she mad the most funny face ever. And the waiter had seen Sarah do it and brought mom another Sprite and mom had no idea why he was bringing her another one when she had barely touched the first one! It was so stinking funny!
We were a little late getting back from lunch, but got there in time to hear Hillary sing another song before the next presenter spoke, who was Wendy Ulrich. Her presentation I took notes on. It was about how to be happy!
1. Stop worrying about your weaknesses - focus on your strengths. Find a new and creative way to use your strengths.
2. Don't try to be motivated to exercise. Motivation follows action! She told us a story she read in a Running magazine while sitting in her chiropractor's office - because it was the only thing to read! The man in the article said that he sometimes felt there were little gremlins in his head that discouraged him from exercising, so he had to trick them in order to be able to go running. He'd get home from work around 5:30 and would put on his running clothes - not because he was going running, but because they were comfortable - and the gremlins were okay with this. Then he would walk to the front door - not to go running, but to see what the weather was like outdoors. Then he would walk to the end of the driveway, just to see what the neighbors were doing - and by that time he said - well, since I'm out here, I might as well go running! And then he went! She told us to just start small and build.
3. Stop trying to find friends; instead spend that time developing the skills of Friendship. Have one meaningful conversation a day!
4. Don't try to be Happy. Try to Feel Grateful. Write down 3 good things that happened in the day and why they happened - which will lead to more things you are grateful for!
5. Celebrate Failure! Failure means we are taking the necessary risks to grow, stretch, serve.
6. Don't bother to get therapy, just get happy! Don't get help with your problems, just help others with theirs.
7. Don't Endure to the End. Life is not be endured, it is to be enjoyed! Brainstorm five tiny pleasures to be enjoyed this week. Savor Everyday Delights!
I loved her talk!
The last presenter, before Hillary sang her closing song, was Mary Ellen Edmunds- and man, that woman has such a spirit to her! She reminds me a lot of mom. She us this great story to get her talk going. (Again excuse my paraphrasing.) This big family was on vacation - normally they went to the grocery store and just had picnic lunches, but today they all went to a restaurant and splurged a little. The waitress was going around taking everyone's orders and soon asked a little boy, about six or seven, what he wanted to eat. The little boy looked at his mother who was not paying full attention, and was so confused, because normally people just ordered for him. Finally he said "I want a hot dog." By this time the mother had turned her attention to him and started telling the waitress what she wanted to order for the boy. The waitress never turned to face the mother but instead asked the boy "And what do you want on your hot dog?" The mother was in stunned silence and the boy rattled off all the condiments he wanted "Ketchup, mustard, onions, pickles..." The waitress then took the last couple of orders and went off to the kitchen. The boy looked around for a minute and in pure bewilderment said "She must think I'm real!" --- It was so cute! Her point was to tell us though that WE ARE REAL! We are real to our Heavenly Father and he is so aware of us! She really was fantastic to listen to and she said so many other wonderful things I wish I could remember them all. She did however, along with another presenter call Satan "What's his no-face" and a "No-body"! He he!
That was the end of T.O.F.W. I am so pleased that I was able to experience this with the women I was around and hear such wonderful, inspiring, uplifting words! I pray I can keep this spirit with me!

Best Weekend! Part 1

This weekend was pure BLISS!!
Friday: No work in the morning because I have the entire day off!! YAY! Sarah gets off work in the morning, our bags are packed and we (Mom, Sarah, Vickey Beeson, and I) are on our way to OKC for Time Out For Women! The car ride down went well and was full of good conversation! We had lunch at The Cheesecake Factory - which I was so grateful that we went there because I had only mentioned to my mom how much I wanted to eat there and she made it happen!! I had some absolutely fabulous tomato basil pasta with fresh mozzarella and chicken in it and their blueberry white chocolate truffle cheesecake! Amazing food! Then we went to our hotel, the Biltmore, and laid down for a few minutes. Sarah passed out - poor thing! We only dozed for about 10 minutes and then we all went swimming in the hotel pool. It was so much fun! I dunked mom at least 3 times - I mean I had to! No one was there to dunk me! LOL!! It was pure brilliance when Sarah and I both tried to take her down and we couldn't! We were all so silly! After swimming we got showered and dressed and went to the OKC Convention Center for the Friday night events! It was SO crowded with women! There were vendors selling snacks of all kind and after I went and bought mom some almonds to keep her blood sugar up, I was having a serious panic/anxiety issue, so I traded seats with Sarah and it worked out just fine.
T.O.F.W. started with some amazing words by Virginia Pearce. She spoke of Eliza R. Snow and her life and how much she admired her and how much we can learn from her. She spoke of her mother - Sister Hinckley, and how much she learned from her and valued the lessons she taught her. It was a wonderful presentation. After Sister Pearce there was a musical presentation by Macy Robinson - which is on CD entitled "Children Will Listen" - it was all about her mother and her life and how things worked out because of the things she had heard and seen her mother say and do. She was such an inspiration! Her voice had a very theatrical tone to her and her songs were sometimes very whimsical and funny! I enjoyed it thoroughly! Her performance was actually broken up into two parts - before and after a break/other speaker, but it was fabulous in its entirety! The other speaker that evening was Emily Watts - she was amazing! She talked about girls camp and related how if we all feel so much better about ourselves when we accomplish those things that are hard! She was so fun to listen to! Macy sang a closing song and then it was over. We went back to our hotel room after grabbing some Sonic for dinner. We played two games of Rummikub and then, at a little after midnight - put ourselves to bed. It was such a fun day!

Someone to Seek After Me...

I'm feeling an extreme lack of self-worth and importance tonight. Sister Ord had said that self hatred is normal and healthy if it causes you to change those things about yourself and become better. I just hate myself sometimes.
As for the title of this post... you know how when a guy is into a girl and she has left his presence in a social situation for a period time he will seek after her, like ask where she is, or go and try and find her, yeah... I want that.
However, irony is always so evil - as I was thinking that I have no one who seeks after me or notices that I'm missing, bam, it hit me - Christ always sought after the one lamb who had strayed from the rest... I love the Lord and therefore, cannot complain and rant as I had intended to do when I started this post.

Little Girls and Motorcycles...

Today I witnessed something that I hope to never again see, although I know it will be playing in my brain for quite some time... I was driving my Lewis route and had just dropped off the 3 sibs and was heading towards Victoria to make a right to drop off my little fish. There in front of me on the NW corner of the street were several of the little girls who normally walk down Victoria in the way of the bus. All of a sudden they were dashing across the street towards the SW corner and out of nowhere came a motorcycle. (It didn't really come out of nowhere, but my eyes were on the children and not the bike coming the other way on 31st.) The motorcycle clipped one of the little girls and completely bowled her over, running over her. She was just laying there in the street, her backpack and jacket strewn across the street and her little body twisted in an awkward position. She didn't move. I was so freaked out. I grabbed my radio and practically yelled in it that I had an emergency and told them what had happened. Because I still had my little fish, baby girl, and Em on the bus I could not get off the bus to see if she was all right - thank heavens there were other adults around and even the motorcycle driver had skidded to a stop and raced over to the little girl. After dispatch notified me that they had contacted an ambulance I had to keep on going and leave the chaos behind me, tending to those three still in my care. It was so emotionally wrecking. I thank heavens that I did have those three on my bus still otherwise my composure would have been out of the window.
I never ever ever want to see that happen again and now I'm going to be even more paranoid about children in and around the streets. I just hope she is okay...

Egg-sasperating!

I'm in a funk again. My brain is just bogged down with negative thoughts about how tonight went. What was tonight you might ask? Well, tonight, better yet, let me just tell you about my day.
I woke up at 9:30 when my alarm went off and went upstairs to help Dad in the kitchen. He had already started the cheese sauce for the potatoes au gratin, so I started slicing up the potatoes on the mandalin. After that dish was all composed nicely in the crock pot there really wasn't much else to do. So I got ready for church, went to my meetings, the normal stuff. After meetings, but before church started I practiced my part of "There is a Green Hill Far Away" with the choir. I was playing a descant during the last verse. During practice, the first two times the choir went through it my fingers and my brain were just at war and I could not, for the life of me, play it on the same measure and beat as them. So I took my music and went into the overflow and played my part over and over again until my fingers got their jitters out. I then went back to practice and we ran through it two more times, both times messing up, but not as badly as the first time. So then church started and I was a nervous wreck the whole time because I HATE playing in front of people because I know that I am not good at it. So the time came, and MIRACLE OF MIRACLES! I was able to play my part through and not collapse before I made it back to a seat next to Nate on the stand. Went and sang the second song with the choir too, which was the closing number, and then as I turned to go back to sit by Nate during the prayer, I tripped on the steps of the stand and fell to my hands and knees. Thankfully my knee was just a bit sore and it did not bleed. This happy/unhappy incident did bring about more people asking me if I was okay than remembering how horrible I sounded as I played, so that went well. The rest of church was pretty standard as church goes.
After church though Scott, Josh - the new guy, and Stephanie B. came over for dinner at our house. I had invited Scott on Tuesday, he asked if Josh could come because he also did not have family to celebrate with, and I brought Stephanie along last minute to act as another buffer between my awkward shyness and Scott. In case I've not yet mentioned before; I like Scott. I cannot figure out why I even think that there is a hope of anything happening there because I am so not the pretty, thin, witty, fun type of girl that he usually goes out with. But nonetheless I did invite him. He came over, probably because he is also friends with Jacob and Michael. Dinner was good, but the conversation lacked terribly. I'm not good at it. I was so nervous the whole time. The talking and good times started over pie and then continued on into playing Cranium. Scott was on my team, which was kind of Stephanie, since she got to choose first and let me have him. We even won! I was very happy. But yeah, I just honestly don't know what hope I'm holding onto here with the idea of he and I. Right now, I just feel awkward texting him because I don't know if my texts are even wanted, and I hate sending texts that require an answer. Why can't a guy just text me, or invite me somewhere? :(
I am one lonely duckling right now. I won't say ugly because I know that there are several beautiful things about me and I know that I am worthy of a good man, but this being lonely thing just sucks. As more time passes through the year I just keep thinking to myself - OMG you're going to be 26 this year! Wasn't turning 25 and not being married or dating anyone bad enough!! I swear I'm going to be an old spinster and I am not looking forward to it. I want to be married, I want to be a wife and a mother, I want to have someone in my life.
Now please don't confuse this with me being obsessed to the point where I stalk or am creepy. I'm not, but I just highly desire those things in my life right now. I would be happy with having a consistent guy friend whose hand I could hold and hug every once in a while. I wish I knew what I could do to be more outgoing and desirable to the guys around here (well, at least the ones I would say yes if the asked me out because admittedly, there are a few I would say no to.) Sigh.
I'm so stuck in this rut. I want out so badly!! What should I do Lord? Where should I go, what should I be? Am I in the wrong place? Am I not serving a purpose here? Is the happiness I seek somewhere else, or is it something I need to find within myself first? I just wish I had the answers. Great, now I want to cry and watch a chick-flick. Or sleep for hours on end... Frick.

You've Not Got Mail.....

So, watching "You've Got Mail" always gets me in the mood to have a unknown pen pal. I dare not wander into some random chat room, or even LDSchat.com because so many of the people out there are such freaks and I wouldn't trust myself to stay good. However, I would love to have someone to write letters too. Oh Wait!! I just remembered that I need to write Grant Anderson a letter since he wrote me! I hope I still have his letter and it didn't get washed away with my pay stub that I left in my jeans pocket. Uh oh! He wanted address of a few people - Pres. Beeson, Casie Jones, and a few others who I cannot remember off the top of my head. I hope I can find it...
I just felt like blogging tonight. I love watching this movie - and coincidence of all coincidences... Jackie Balzer (granddaughter to my nana's sister Betty) also is watching this movie at the same time I am and likes Daisies because of this movie too!! Even if i could just text someone constantly again that would be nice... Sigh.. I so badly need a boyfriend (she sighs as the pile of laundry she has folded tumbles to the side.)

Happy Birthday Relief Society!!

Tonight, I truly felt was Relief Society is all about! The Harrison Park Ward sisters were ever so kind enough to invite us to their RS Bday party and, I must say, I am so glad that I chose to attend. There was a fabulous dinner made by all the sisters, a skit about how the Relief Society had grown and developed as the years went by under different General RS Presidents, singing "As Sisters in Zion", cake and ice cream, and then everyone lit a little tea-light candle while standing in a circle, the lights were turned off, and we sang "Happy Birthday". Wishes were made, candles blown out, and the Spirit was so sweet!
Tonight is what I want my Relief Society to be like. The absolute love and sisterhood that radiated through all those wonderful women is what I want and desire so badly for all of the sisters of my branch. It was so "simplistic" but gorgeously decorated. The skit showed off the personality of each past President and how they helped shape the Relief Society into what it is today. The atmosphere was bright and beautiful, just like all the sweet sisters present. I wish more sisters would have come, but I am grateful that a few of mine were included in the skit and were present for it.
I started to tear up as we listened to "A Divine Legacy" - a video with clips from the last (2010) General Relief Society Broadcast - and then when we sang. I really had to hold it back. It was so perfect. Just what I had wanted for ours. Ours was good though and I am grateful that the sisters who did go, came.
I felt impressed to fast for the desires of my heart concerning the sisters in my relief society. I have so many things that I wish them to know and love and appreciate about relief society and each other. I want to find a way to better communicate those desires to the sisters and truly express my love for each one of them.

Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday Dear Relief Society!!
Happy Birthday to you!!!
(and many more!)

Things in General... Conference

General Conference was amazing today and yesterday. Today's morning session was particularly spiritual for me. Although, I must admit, I felt so guilt-ridden during certain of the talks, like Sister Allred's about service via home teacher and visiting teaching and Relief Society. All during her talk I just felt this crushing sense of failure and guilt. Like I'm letting people down, particularly president Beeson. I just feel like I'm not doing anything productive and getting anywhere with the sisters, but at the same time I feel like I do put forth effort, however I get no response, but I don't want to put it all on the sisters, because I usually feel like I'm stand-offish sometimes and don't try hard enough. I should pray about it and talk with President Beeson about it. Also, maybe Angelina. I really just feel so disheartened about my calling, like I'm not the best person for the job, but I'm so anal and judgmental that I don't know who else could do it, which is AWFUL that I'm discounting my sisters so much. They are wonderful girls and full of such potential... I just wish I could access their desire to engage in the work. I feel so disconnected from them so often.
Also, one of the general authorities today was talking about how we should be and do the same things. I am such a hypocrite. How I am with the folks from church and how I am with my family is totally different and I just wish I could be the same with my family, but at the same time I do not feel that who I am with the church people is a true representation of my whole self, there are parts of my crazy and depression that I hide around them and feel free to express around my family. I should just set myself down and make a list of who I want to be and then go about creating small steps, little things I can do on a daily basis to achieve becoming a better person.... Sad thing is, that I know that a lot of what I end up coming up with will be things that I've been counseled about doing my whole life growing up in the church; read my scriptures, say my prayers, do service, pay my tithing, fast, ect. Why is it so hard to be consistent?
I can feel myself sliding down that slippery slope down towards depression and feel like crying because I am such a disappointment to myself and others right now. I know that I shouldn't feel that way because I am a daughter of God and I know that he loves me regardless, but at the same time, I want to be able to make him "proud", to glorify Him. I always feel better when I think of those facts, and I really should not let these other things get me down, but I don't feel like I can turn a blind eye to the beams that live in them.
Sigh... all things considered, I am extremely blessed and know that I can do well in this life if I but allow myself to be open to the promptings of the Spirit, if I am worthy to have it as my constant companion.

Loss...

Sarah "officially" miscarried today. I bawled on my way home from work between routes and just now after institute. She is an incredibly strong woman and I pray that she may be comforted through this. I know I would not be taking it well at all. I pray that if that tiny vessel did hold a spirit that it is now either finding a new body to come down to our family soon, or if it was past that point and passed on, that Nana is holding it tight.
I am thankful for our perspective on certain things, such as loss, but it still does not take away the hurt entirely. I am a gloomy gus right now. Eeyore would have a hard time out depressing me right now.

The Invisible Woman....

I have an amazing trick that I can perform... Only problem is that it only works right in the moments when I wish it wouldn't. I can disappear! I have found that I can slip in and out of groups of people seemingly unnoticed. No one acknowledges my presence unless in a one on one setting, and no one notices me missing - probably because they forgot I was there in the first place. The trick seems to be magnified in its intensity when I am in the presence of others who have this ability to suck all the light to themselves... It is like they are black holes of vapidity.
Oh well... I'm just being bitter. Happy for them, not for myself. And today was supposed to be such a good day.... All I wanted to do while driving home was cry and hide. I hate being alone.

A Sunday by any other Name....

So, today was like any other Sunday, mostly. I attended my normal meetings that I always do. Sacrament was good. I had the opportunity to offer the opening prayer - and surprisingly I was not nervous. Usually, even when giving a prayer in front of the branch I am so wracked I tremble. It was a very peaceful experience. The Spirit was super strong today was the time was opened up for testimonies. We had several testimonies from members of the Kellogg Spanish Branch, and even though I could only understand about half of what they were saying - the gist of things, the Spirit was so amazing and conveyed their sincere desire and faith to my heart. I love how transcendental the Spirit can be; how it can overcome any barrier of language, race, or disability and just embrace you in its warmth and comfort. It was amazing!
In Gospel Principles Mayra taught! That in and of itself was exciting! Our lesson was on the scriptures and she did a wonderful job - so prepared with all of her visual aids for the board and handouts! Loved it! Brooke had brought and investigator friend with her, Blue (Marquesha?), who had tons of questions about the scriptures so answering those during the lesson was amazing! I hope every G.P. is like that!!
Relief Society was, too, wonderful. Sister Stackhouse gave the lesson on Service and it was amazing. She shared, and I had the opportunity to read, the story shared by Barbara Thompson last General Conference about the disfigured little man who rented a room from a women who lived across from the Clinic where he received treatments. Such a special story. I got kind of choked up while reading the end of it. It was really, really, a phenomenal Sunday.
We had Sarah and Joe over for dinner, along with Chris, Alaina, and Randall and the kids. The Beesons dropped by for a short visit to give me a reimbursement check I had forgotten to grab before I left church. I was so drained emotionally that I space-cased it. It was a really great Sunday and I look forward to the next!

Nana

Nana died today around one ten p.m. and I got the call a few minutes in to Branch Council. It was a really hard blow at first, but then it got a lot easier. I am extremely thankful for my family in these times because they are so marvelous at making sure everyone is okay. I was able to help wash and dress her in her temple clothes - an experience I hope I never forget. It was so wonderful to see her with her hair all done up again (Thank you Lisa!) and her make-up done (Thanks Alaina and Jerusha!). She truly looked liked herself again.
It is times like this that I am extremely grateful for my knowledge and testimony of the Plan of Salvation because it so much eases any pain from separation and grieving. I am thrilled that she was able to go peacefully home to see those of our loved ones who have passed on previously and be with them again. I will miss her, but it is more of a "See you later" than "Goodbye." Thank you Heavenly Father for making it to where our families are eternal!
Graveside service is Monday Feb 28 at 10:30am in the same cemetery where lies Maleah, Grandpa Spackman, and Jared. The memorial service will be Tuesday March 1 at 3:00pm at the 13th street building.
I love our family.

Family

My nana is dying. My father thinks I'm an unspeakable word. My brother thinks I only talk to him when I want to either yell at him or tell him to do something. My mom is losing her mom. I just don't want to deal with it right now.

Because of My Faith...

I have been greatly blessed and am so very thankful for all that my life has been enriched with, the times of trial and of triumph. Anna was talking about this in Relief Society today and in Bishop Edgely's talk "Faith- the Choice is Yours" he makes a series of statements "Because of my Faith..." and she asked us what we would say. I almost burst into tears on the spot. I get so emotional when I start to contemplate my life and how good it is. I realize how very much things matter to me, especially family. Because of my faith I know that my family can be together forever and that is the greatest blessing I could ever ask for. They mean so much to me. To think of life without them, or without a knowledge of that promise, is just heartbreaking. It breaks my heart to think about Aaron and Jacob struggling with the gospel in their lives because I so want our family to get to the Celestial Kingdom together, even missing one of them is devastating. Aaron gives me the most heartache because he is so far away right now and I just hope that he's not lost in the spacious building forever. I'll even miss Michael who just came into my room and talked about the most nonsensical stuff, mostly calling me white. I am so grateful for him.
Because of my faith I have been able to have a place where I always find peace. Because of my faith I know that my Savior lives and that through Him eternal life is possible if I continue in that faith. Because of my faith I have overcome trials and tribulations that I thought would crush me because I felt weak, but through faith that the Lord will never give me more than I am able to handle, I was able to get through. Because of my faith I have never lost sight of my faith when surrounded by friends who are not of the same moral view. Because of my faith I have found that I feel the most peace and prosperity when I am living the way the Lord asks me to. And I enjoy that. "I'm all about prospering."

Institute

Tonight was the first night of Institute classes, and it was so nice to have class again! This semester we are studying the Doctrine and Covenants sections 71-the end! I must admit, I have never fully read the D&C and feel guilty about it. I've only ever read the Book of Mormon through once that I can remember and that was in Seminary. How do I ever get installed in such positions as I am in without having done these basic things?! I am hereby making a new resolution to add to those of my previous post: I am going to read the entire Doctrine and Covenants prior to the end of the semester and will keep an accounting of my readings in my spiritual thought journal.
Well, I need to get some reading done prior to going to sleep tonight, so this is a short post!

Resolutions

It is a new year and I am going to start doing some new things. I am excited about these "Resolutions" that I have made with myself; I have not told them to others because then I start feeling accountable to them, when, in reality, I am only accountable to myself for the promises I make myself. So what are they? Only a few, but very important.
*I will not eat fast food unless it is bought for me or I'm on a trip (like a Temple trip)
*I will go to the gym regularly and stick with it
*I will move out of my parents house

The last one is really more of a goal for this year. I think that I'm going to be able to do it, there are a couple of places with low rent (under $300) that I need to look into and see if I can do it. I just don't want to live at home anymore, it puts unneeded strain on my relationship with my family and my emotions.

I cannot believe I haven't written since before Thanksgiving, what is up with that?! Slacking - hugely. I want to do better this year.
I'm optimistic about my new counselors in Relief Society and hoping that we can get the ball rolling on getting the sisters participating more so than in previous years. Our theme for this year is the Relief Society theme, which is so wonderful. We are going to dissect it and learn more about how we can come to exemplify the women that the theme talks about.

Tonight in the CES Broadcast, Elder D. Todd Christofferson talked about taking life day by day because that is how we get to the future. He said that we should both ask the Lord for our daily bread and gather it in for ourselves when we are able. It was really helpful to think about all the things I want to do in life on a daily basis... I can do this today. I am grateful for the apostles of the Lord.